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| The weekly joke |
Editor: Snow, John
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We
are sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people in
the South are.
We challenge any so-called smart Yankee to take this exam
administered by the Southern States Professional Engineer
Licensing Department:
1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon
tree that will support a 10-pound possum.
2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when
placed on blocks in your front yard? A '65 Ford
Fairlane, a '69 Chevrolet, a '67 Chevelle, or a '64
Pontiac
GTO.
3. If your uncle builds a still that operates at a
capacity of 20 gallons of shine produced per hour, how
many car radiators are required to condense the
product?
4. A woodcutter has a chain saw that operates at 2700 RPM.
The density of the pine trees in the plot to be
harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in
size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many
Budweisers will be drunk before the trees are cut down?
5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge
of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the percentage
decrease in the ozone layer?
6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch
centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8
feet and the porch length is16 feet. The porch floor is
1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how
many hound dogs will be killed?
7. A man owns a Tennessee
house and 3.7 acres of land in a
hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has five
children. Can each of his grown children put a mobile
home on the man's land and still have enough property
for their electric appliances to sit out front?
8. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 9000 yards
down a steep slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The
brakes fail. Given average traffic conditions on
secondary roads, what is the probability that it will
strike a vehicle with a muffler?
9. A coal mine operates in a NFPA Class 1, Division 2
Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift.
A gas warning is issued at the beginning of the 3rd
shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be
smoked during the shift?
10. At a reduction in the gene pool variability rate of 7
.5% per generation, how long will it take a town that
has been bypassed by the Interstate to breed a
country-western singer?
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